Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Great Political Tamasha

Journalist: Good evening viewers. This is a special broadcast. Political leaders from Youngistan and Jungistan are having a meeting regarding border disputes. Let’s hope the issues get sorted out. Look, here come Chaluji and Mushi.

Chalu: Arre jab tak rahega samose mein aalu

Tab tak rahega Bihar mein Chalu

Mushi: Greetings Chaluji. I’m surprised you’ve come for this meeting. I was told that the Prime Minister was going to attend the meeting. I’ve brought a new peace proposal.

Chalu: Kaa bataaye ab aapko. Oooh jo hai Soniji ke ghar gaye hue hai, ek samasya ka samaadhan par vichaar karne.

Mushi: Samasya?

Chalu: You see, he has been left by the LEFT. *pointing in the left direction*

Mushi: Hmmm, I’m glad you’ve come. I’ve heard a lot about you. Your style, your flamboyance, your charisma…

Chalu: Oooooh charismaaaa, hamaar gaon ki famous chori hai. But I have no ties with her! *wiping sweat from his forehead*

Mushi: No, no you’re getting me wrong. Actually, I was hoping to get some tips from you.

Chalu: Aaah you want tips? Always remember

‘Cow is our mother
There can never be another
Yet I steal her fodder’

Mushi: Cow? Brilliant! You don’t even spare animals and you’re indeed a true politician. Recently you brought a huge profit to the Railways. How did you do it?

Chalu: Mushi, it’s the magic of cow. I had done the fodder scam and used a miniscule amount of that money to bring the Railways back on track. Moreover, hamaar gaon ka ek kamal ka muhaawra hai

‘Hum do, hamaar do
Baaki ko Mumbai bhej do’
Ab yeh sab log tikat nikaal kar Mumbai jayenge toh profit toh hoga na.

Mushi: Waah Chaluji, you’re a man of vision. Your ideas should be globally accepted. Anyways, where is your “articulate” Prime Minister?

Chalu: Oooh sasura ka jaane do. Arre Railways hi kyun, hum toh hamaar desh ka profit bhi dekhat hai. Ab batao, hamaar pradesh ki jansankhya itni adheek kyun hai?

Journalist (interrupting Chalu): Because aapke Pradesh mein log ashikshith hai. No family planning, you see. This is the bitter consequence of illiteracy.

Chalu: Abey dhut! Kaahe beech mey bolat hai? Badtameez! Ghumai ke denge ek lappad.

Journalist: Excuse me! You’re talking to the press.

Chalu: Arre naaraaz kaahe ho rahath hai. Mushi saab, meri toh simple philosophy hai

‘When children make house full
The country becomes powerful‘
That’s why I myself have a family of *counting fingers* ten children. Always have as many children as possible. Our country needs leaders like us for its development.

Mushi: This man is talking sense. That’s why they always win against us as they always have soldiers left at the end of the war.

[Enter Pyaare Mohan, Soni & Rahul]

PM: Soniji, Soniji do you need anything?

Soni: Shut up, Pyaare. Don’t you see, we’ve reached the conference. Now, behave like a good PM.

PM: Alright, alright. Soniji, Soniji is my turban colour fine?

Soni: Yes, the blue colour suits you.

Rahul: Momma is always right Pyaare uncle.

Soni: Don’t discuss anything about our nuclear deal. Badvaniji will also be present and I don’t want the opposition to create a ruckus over it.

Nameste Chaluji. How’s the meeting going on? I know you would have handled it quite well.

Chalu: Namshkaar! Abhi hum inka bataa rahat hamaari desh ki tarakki ka raaz.

Rahul: Chaluji, autograph please.

Chalu: Angootha chalega kya?

Rahul: Haan chalega. [After the thumb impression] Wooppiieee!

Mushi: Have a look at my proposal. We’ll have our borders cleared and terrorists, I mean, people from Jungistan will have access to Youngistan without hassles and vice-versa. I’ve always believed in making nations into pieces, I mean, promoting peace between nations.

[Enter Badvani]

Badvani: I’m Badvani and I’ve come here to oppose. As the leader of opposition, I would like to raise questions on this proposal first.

Rahul: Mommy, I don’t like him. He’s bad.

Chalu: Ooka toh naam mein hi bad hai.

Mushi: Hold on, let me explain the proposal first to your PM.

Badvani: What PM?

Mushi: The Prime Minister, Mr. Pyaare Mohan.

Badvani: Haah! He *pointing towards PM* and Prime Minister?

PM: Oye! Oye!

Badvani: He’s called PM because of the initials of his name Pyaare Mohan. Waise woh kiske ishaaron par naachta hai, woh toh sabko hi pataa hai. *pointing towards Soniji*

PM: Oye! Oye! Soniji, Soniji, how should I respond to that? Please tell me fast.

Soni: Shut up, Pyaare. Be confident and tell him that we’ll accept the peace proposal only if we are guaranteed of our rule in Youngistan.

PM: Yes, yes I got it.

Badvani: Virodh! As the leader of opposition, I oppose to any deal that doesn’t make me the ruler. Kya main zindagi bhar Rath Yatra karte rahoon?

Rahul: You’re so old, you’re so old. La-la-la-la-la-la

PM: Soniji, Soniji, I fear Mr. Badvani and Mr. Mushi are conspiring against us to remove us from power. What should we do?

Chalu: Kuch ghabraane ki baat nahi. Always remember

‘Cow is our mother
Do not bother’
We will sign a deal of cattle co-operation with Jungistan and end our troubles.

Soni: Chaluji, what an idea. I’m completely floored by your methods. You’re such a nice Railway Minister, I’ll definitely make you the next Prime Minister.

PM: No, no. What about me and Rahul Sir? Please Soniji, I’ll obey whatever you say. Please Soniji, please.

Jounalist: BREAKING NEWS!!! Attack on Taj! Attack on Taj!

Mushi: God, those fools. I told them not to attack during the meeting. How do I escape now.

Badvani: As the leader of opposition, I demand you to protect me.

Chalu *on his cellphone*: Abey dhut! Yeh irctc website kyun nahi chal raha. Railway Minister ko bhi ticket nahi mil rahi hai.

PM: Soniji, Soniji what should we do now? How should I run? Left or Right?

Soni: You’ve a bad history with LEFT. So, this time right. I declare an emergency and make Chaluji the Prime Minister. Let Chaluji guide us in this time of crisis.

Chalu: My first priority is to protect the invaluable politicians of our country. Afterall, neta hi desh ka dhan hai. So I say

‘Cow is our mother
Let us run together’

[Enter Crack Obama]

Badvani: As the leader of opposition, I demand you to reveal your identity.

Crack: I’m Obama, Crack Obama. Did you hear about the terror attacks? I condemn terrorism in every manner. I’ll make sure the terrorists who attacked the Taj Mahal are severely punished.

Mushi: It’s not the Taj Mahal, it’s the Taj hotel in Mumbai.

PM: How do you know this? You were present here with us the entire time. I know you’re behind this. Soniji, Soniji what shall we do now?
Crack: Chill bro, just chill. Sign a nuke deal with me and my army will take care of the rest.

Mushi (taking Crack aside): What are you saying? You’ll join hands with Youngistan?

Crack: Don’t you worry. I’m joining my left hand with them but my right hand is always with you.

Mushi: Thank God. I wondered what on earth made you think of curbing terrorism.

Crack: Terror is an ‘ism’ with which we create terror in the hearts of people and play havoc with their minds. Let the common man be trapped in this cycle and keep digging out the real terrorist.

[Enter Terrorist]

Rahul: Who are you?

Terrorist: My name is not Khan and I’m a terrorist. So mission made easy eh! All the great leaders together at one place! I’ll kill you all. Tell me who wants to die first. *points his gun at Badvani*

Badvani: No, not me. Don’t you remember that I’ve always taken care of your demands. Spare me and I shall fulfill all your demands no matter whatsoever.
*Terrorist points the gun at Chalu*
Terrorist: Aur Chaluji, kaisan vaa!

Chaluji: Terrorist brother

‘Cow is our mother
Do not create terror’

Terrorist: Chup! Bhaashan mat dey. Preaching doesn’t suit a politician. Main maar dunga, tum sabko maar dunga.

Chalu: Nahi, nahi terrorist brother. I’ll give you all my cows and even their cow dung. But please, not my life.

*Terrorist takes out PM’s specs, cleans it and puts it back while PM walks around like a blind person*

Terrorist: Hum kya Black Black khel rahe hain?

PM: Soniji, Soniji he’s here. Please tell me what to do now?

Soni: Shut up, Pyaare. Let me think.

Terrorist: You’re the Prime Minister. You’ll surely sacrifice your life for your nation.

PM: Me? No, not at all, never! Why should I? What Prime Minister? I’m just Soniji’s puppet. The real leader is Rahul sir.

*Terrorist walks over to Rahul*

Terrorist: How are you, Rahul? Kuch samajh aa raha hai yeh bade log kya baat kar rahe hain?

Rahul: Momma he has a gun pointed at me. Can I play with his gun?

Soni: Rahul, don’t be childish.

Rahul: No Momma, I won’t listen to you anymore. You always underestimate me. You never let me play. I’ve been voted ‘Most Desirable Indian’, ‘Future of India’ and numerous monikers by magazines worldwide. It’s time you realize I’m no longer a child. I even have a girlfriend. *sticks out his tongue to Soni*

Crack: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a solution. Let’s make peace.

Terrorist: I’m a terrorist and my mission is to induce terror in the minds of the people. I don’t care whether they’re innocent or not. To me, they’re objects merely to accomplish my mission.

Crack: Let’s negotiate. Tell us your demands.

Soni: Yes, we’ll fulfill all your demands.

Badvani: This time, I agree too. Opposition mein rehne ke liye zinda toh rehna padega.

Terrorist: I’ve been waiting for this moment from a long time. Release all my companions. Ensure a free passage into your country and then a safe exit from it.

All (in unison): Yes, yes granted.

Journalists: Viewers, this man is not a terrorist but our reporter. We conducted this operation to bring the truth out. We just witnessed how our elected leaders defame our motherland. We spend millions and millions of rupees only for them to make a mockery of our judgment and faith. I’m deeply anguished to say that this is a dead investment.

It’s time to wake up.
Koi bhi desh perfect nahi hota, usse perfect banana padta hai.
But merely waking up won’t help. We, the youth and the future pillars of our nation, should work together towards building a better country so that our children won’t witness such mockery.



vaisakhi said...

HAHA! Hilarious...this reminded me of the play you had done in college remember? ;)...awesome post...

Rafaa Dalvi said...

Yes. I improved it and did the same in FE too. Those were some awesome memories.

aafreen mallick said...

ohh wow grt..keep it up yaa...lykd it :-) :-) grt work...hats off to u man

Rafaa Dalvi said...

Thank You Aafreen :)

Rainbow Hues said...

A nice little skit. Good!

Rafaa Dalvi said...


Shafiya Shaikh said...

Applauds for the great 'Indian' tamasha.. An elixir.. u rock buddy :-)

Rafaa Dalvi said...

Thank you ma'am :)

Suresh Chandrasekaran said...

Heck - I read this when I was in Chennai and I thought I commented as well. Looks like I did not. I remember particularly liking those cow rhymes from Chalu :) :)

Rafaa Dalvi said...

It's always nice to hear from you Suresh :) I think Chalu & cow go hand in hand.

Aayesha Hakim said...

I am glad to tell you that,I have nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award on my blog.:)
Please check out the following link & go through the rules & guidelines for accepting the award.:)

Post a Comment