True Love Waits

She was 24. She believed that she had been a good girl her entire life; she practiced celibacy and was a virgin. She had signed a purity contract and promised to keep herself pure until she got married to the man that was chosen by God. All she knew about sex was that good girls were to indulge in it on their wedding nights and not before. Wearing crop tops, short shorts and bikinis would only tempt and excite the boys; God forbade it. At the altar, looking at her purity ring, she imagined the words “True Love Waits” shining back at her.

That night, she dimmed the lights, laid on the bed and let her husband do what men did. Her first experience was awful. She had no idea what to expect and when he attempted to perform cunnilingus, she rushed to the bathroom crying, leaving her husband befuddled at what to do. To her, cunnilingus was wrong. It wasn’t something what “good” wives did, and she felt he was disrespecting her by trying to do that.

Their marriage progressed happily but they shared a non-existent sex life. She felt awkward in bed, and he hated that he left her in tears.

About a year into their marriage, during a rare intimate moment, she allowed him to really touch her there for the first time. She experienced immense pleasure and could feel her body bursting. She had an orgasm for the first time. Yet instead of ecstasy, she was ashamed that she took pleasure by him using his fingers and mouth on her. She was mortified that she had behaved like a slut.

This deep sense of embarrassment lingered for days. She couldn’t meet his eyes and pushed him away. They argued over her inability to enjoy sex. Instead of getting angry, he was patient. He started initiating sex on the couch, by the wall, in the shower, just never under the bed covers.

He left the light on and he ensured that she climaxed every time. When she would want to hide in the bathroom, ashamed after her orgasm, he would hold her and tell her how much he enjoyed making love to her.

Gradually, with the passage of time, sex wasn’t something she dreaded. She started trying new things. The first time she gave him fellatio, she felt sexy and confident afterwards.

They have been married for three years now and for the last four months, the sex has been enthralling- it’s raunchy and dirty but also intimate. She’s no longer ashamed of sex and her husband is always there to reassure her and help her move past her embarrassment.

Sex isn’t a shameful act. It isn’t wrong. Young people need to be told that. Purity rings and purity balls just tell women that their desires are wrong and ungodly; their sex life isn’t God’s business, or their parents, or their relatives for that matter- it’s theirs. Women are the only ones that should be able to choose when to have sex, whom to have it with, and enjoy orgasms without shame. Don’t hide your bodies or desires. Celebrate and enjoy sex.