Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Top 10 Hollywood Movies of 2015

10. Steve Jobs

9. Ex Machina

8. Sicario

7. Brooklyn

6. The Martian

5. Spotlight

4. Inside Out

3. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

2. The Big Short

1. Mad Max: Fury Road

Honourable Mentions: Tangerine, Straight Outta Compton, Room, Bridge of Spies, Carol.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Top 10 Bollywood Movies of 2015

10. Baby

9. Titli

8. Badlapur

7. Hunterrr

6. Dum Laga Ke Haisha

5. Piku

4. Bajirao Mastani

3. Drishyam

2. Masaan

1. Talvar

Honourable Mentions: Tamasha, Angry Indian Goddesses, NH10, Tanu Weds Manu Returns, Bajrangi Bhaijaan, Margarita With A Straw

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Three Lessons from 2015

2015 was an eye-opener of sorts. I learnt three important lessons from people belonging to different age groups this year.

On a train to Bandra, I heard him whisper to the boy on his right, 'Ek gora ladka tere paas khada hai!' I looked awkwardly at him, while he smiled looking at me. Throughout the journey, I saw him whisper into the other boy's ears, while the latter acknowledged it with a pompous smile.
News of people around, of a man wearing too much perfume, of a kid carrying an expensive handset, and he would snicker every time. Sometimes he made up stuff like, 'Bas woh choti nikaal do, toh yeh toh pura ganja hai!', and laughed ecstatically.
I observed them for half an hour and wondered why they did this. I figured he was visually challenged and hence his friend was telling him about the happenings around.
As the train reached Andheri station, the boy stood up with the support of a white cane; he was the one who whispered into the other boy's ear.
Life is full of miracles

Just another afternoon, I was eating dosa from one of the food stalls outside my college and as I passed the usual garbage dumpster that I do daily, I saw a man in rags, with a wrinkled face and sunken eyes, peek inside the bin, his crouched back crouching even more. The veins on his wrist were popping out, almost like they were attempting to hold on to the bin, while his eyes searched through the filth.
He rummaged through the rubbish, and pulled out a half-eaten banana, a paper plate full of spoilt sandwiches, all the rancid food that we reject, one after another, handing them over to a few tiny brown hands that readily grasped, like an opportunity that knocked not often. I saw giggles and shrieks of excitement, as I just stood there, stunned and awed.
Meanwhile, a mother and her kid were eating alongside me. The boy sobbed, 'Mummy, I wanted a cheese dosa! Aap hamesha aisa hi karte ho!' He flung the unwanted dosa out and two of the kids rushed to grab it. I was rendered speechless as I realized most people are yet to open their eyes, to the reality that life is, in its crudest, rudest form.

Senior Citizens
Just out from the metro at Andheri, I was waiting for a rickshaw for some fifteen minutes, with a very heavy bag on my shoulder. Standing next to me was an old man almost in his 60s. Finally a rickshaw halted nearby and I offered the old man the ride. But he said, 'Beta, take the rickshaw. You should reach your place early. I will get another one in no time.' Old is definitely gold.

Here’s hoping that 2016 is as enlightening as this year has been.
I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

My Happiness Ray

I could probably do nothing new,
I could probably do nothing true,
Enough, for you to call me vile,
But I'd stay stupid to see you smile.

I may never say it out aloud,
But at the risk of sounding cheesy,
I'll probably tell you today,
How beautiful to me, you sound.

Those hands as artistic and poised,
As the art you create and are.
You move like a healing gale in a run,
And when you talk, the world is happy and up!

You're so splendid, you define the word.
Such a pleasure to have you in my world.
A blessing by my side, petite and smart,
Everything you do has a little bit of art!

It's magic to me how you survive,
My relentless cheapness all day, everyday.
Believe me, I've seen souls strive,
But you stick to me, you stay.

Nothing is perfect, the world’s not,
I’m not perfect, you’re not,
But you’re trying the best you can,
That’s what makes you beautiful.

A morning smile that dazzles the sun,
And an evening goodbye like a warm coffee cup.
For you make every day a Sunday,
You are my happiness ray!

Saturday, November 14, 2015


Childhood is becoming so real again,
We have become adamant again.
Sometimes for that Lego set to build anything,
Absolutely anything that strikes our fancy.

Childhood is on board again, or are we?
The board game called monopoly, it's still playing in our lives,
With some of us losing money, building houses, or wandering in rest houses.
While a scanty few risk jail and collect too many tickets.

Childhood is having a good time, 
Denying that Horlicks glass again or saying a blunt no to undies.
It is smiling wide as we sleep more, work less,
And hope for rains every morning for life to stall.

Childhood is sleeping through all the adversities.
As we try to accomplish more than we can,
Drink less and still vomit more, eat more than
We should, then hate being called obese.

We are doing all the wrongs, hoping that Mommy would intervene and set us straight. Wake up. Take control of your lives. Evolve.
Happy Children’s Day!

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Shades of You

I see your eyes in the stranger walking past,
Your piercing eyes that slay me, everyday,
Your comforting eyes that stitch me, everyday,
Your eyes that tell me myriad tales.

I see your laugh in the kid on the street,
Your laugh that tingles my heart,
I persuade her into laughing more for a while,
Blessed is she to get to momentarily play your part.

I see your charm in the woman,
Who brushed past me and smiled,
For a moment I felt I knew her,
But she was just an enigma.

I see shades of you in everything,
Hues of you in the sky, reminiscent of a Monet landscape,
Hums of you at the horizon, luring me to its enchantment,
Reminding me that beauty isn't conformed to any parameters.

Monday, November 2, 2015

What is life after death?

What is life after death?
Is it a nod after a million denials?
A place filled with all the things we once desired,
And we are led to believe we get what we deserve.

What is life after death?
Is it a family reunion?
Healthier now, back to dealing with souls of the past,
And we feel like just another day alive.

What is life after death?
Is it suspension of fears?
Maybe we can now swim without floaters,
And dive into that love we drowned into, when alive.

What is life after death?
Is it a compelling larger-than-life fantasy?
Maybe like a huge cone of ice cream that does not melt,
Or a heart full of love that does.

What is life after death?
Is it life again?
Maybe we are born into families we've hated the most,
Where we learn their ticking clogs and the cycle of being humbled continues.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Happy Birthday

You grow younger always,
As the years pass by like smoke.
And your prettiness not only stays,
But is enhanced without a brush stroke!

You are away today, and I won't see
That smile with a mouthful of cake.
But all I wish for is that you'll be
Prepared for the world is yours to take!

Happy Birthday :)

Sunday, October 18, 2015

How much is enough?

Do you know how it all ends?
We never die of enough,
The coquetry with fate ends,
But always in a lesson.

Born in a cell, fate was never a giver,
It only took from us, from you and me,
It continued to win countless duels,
And never had enough.

Ever spotted a writer say, I've written enough?
He'll bleed at his manuscript and never wince once,
It shall all end as it must, but pausing in your tracks,
Only did more harm than good, an athlete knows well.

Ask yourself, how much is enough?
Is mediocrity really a curse, or a blessing in disguise?
To live a life billions live every day,

Happily, in their homes, not knowing you exist.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Not your problem to solve!

The world has this urgent itch to attend to which reads 'Solve your own problems'. But many interpret it as 'It's not your problem to solve'.
I will always be at loggerheads with that part of the society which hides a boxing glove from the one who's already in the ring. We are here for a reason, and everyone should have his/her freedom to choose. Some have reasons more haptic than others, while some choose to stay aloof. To each his own, and there needn't be a need to own a problem to solve it.
Ever seen mom's joblist? Not one problem is her own.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

True Love Waits

She was 24. She believed that she had been a good girl her entire life; she practiced celibacy and was a virgin. She had signed a purity contract and promised to keep herself pure until she got married to the man that was chosen by God. All she knew about sex was that good girls were to indulge in it on their wedding nights and not before. Wearing crop tops, short shorts and bikinis would only tempt and excite the boys; God forbade it. At the altar, looking at her purity ring, she imagined the words “True Love Waits” shining back at her.

That night, she dimmed the lights, laid on the bed and let her husband do what men did. Her first experience was awful. She had no idea what to expect and when he attempted to perform cunnilingus, she rushed to the bathroom crying, leaving her husband befuddled at what to do. To her, cunnilingus was wrong. It wasn’t something what “good” wives did, and she felt he was disrespecting her by trying to do that.

Their marriage progressed happily but they shared a non-existent sex life. She felt awkward in bed, and he hated that he left her in tears.

About a year into their marriage, during a rare intimate moment, she allowed him to really touch her there for the first time. She experienced immense pleasure and could feel her body bursting. She had an orgasm for the first time. Yet instead of ecstasy, she was ashamed that she took pleasure by him using his fingers and mouth on her. She was mortified that she had behaved like a slut.
This deep sense of embarrassment lingered for days. She couldn’t meet his eyes and pushed him away. They argued over her inability to enjoy sex. Instead of getting angry, he was patient. He started initiating sex on the couch, by the wall, in the shower, just never under the bed covers.

He left the light on and he ensured that she climaxed every time. When she would want to hide in the bathroom, ashamed after her orgasm, he would hold her and tell her how much he enjoyed making love to her.

Gradually, with the passage of time, sex wasn’t something she dreaded. She started trying new things. The first time she gave him fellatio, she felt sexy and confident afterwards.

They have been married for three years now and for the last four months, the sex has been enthralling- it’s raunchy and dirty but also intimate. She’s no longer ashamed of sex and her husband is always there to reassure her and help her move past her embarrassment.

Sex isn’t a shameful act. It isn’t wrong. Young people need to be told that. Purity rings and purity balls just tell women that their desires are wrong and ungodly; their sex life isn’t God’s business, or their parents, or their relatives for that matter- it’s theirs. Women are the only ones that should be able to choose when to have sex, whom to have it with, and enjoy orgasms without shame. Don’t hide your bodies or desires. Celebrate and enjoy sex.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Writer's Block

The story of every cigarette

You guard me as a treasure, once I'm lit,
Hit after hit, you die a little bit.

Happy, upset, horny or bored, I'm everything you have ever desired,
No care in the world, as long as you have me acquired.

Of all the butts you've kissed so far,
You'll never forget me, your elixir.

Fulfilling your addiction, satisfying your crave,
Never making you repent, just pulling you closer to your grave.

Micro Tales

“Kids just cry, poop and puke." She cried.
“You're going to love them. You'll see." Her family retorted.
Deep down she knew she never would.

Beauty Marks
Mother always said my spots were beauty marks and would bring me luck. She was wrong, thought the leopard as the poachers skinned her alive.

Birthday Special
Today is special. It's her birthday.
I'll take her out and reminisce about old times.
Then like every year, I'll return her to her coffin.

Breaking Stereotypes
She threw the lit match at the pile of money and joined me in bed as I strained against the handcuffs.
She did love me more than my money.

‘I sing about how much I love you but you’re too busy reading comics.’
‘You’re too busy singing to read my notes in the comics I lent you.’

“You’re a catfish! Why didn’t you tell me you’re married?” She bellowed.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you aren’t?” He asked, beside himself.

“Identification, please!”
*hands over the ID card*
“I’ve been wanting to get it changed.”

I thought we’d live happily ever after. But I was wrong.
You have become cold and our lovemaking has suffered since your death.

The commotion jolted me out of slumber.
I tried to sit up, but my head hit the ceiling. I was confined.
Damn! It was my funeral.

They confiscated everything I had stolen. All they left was my boy’s wrist-watch.
It constantly reminded me of the time I was losing with him.

She danced brilliantly and was still eliminated.
She continued to dance outside the arena and everyone followed.
Nobody watched the contest.

When he was a kid, his mother had told him that his father was a bomb diffuser.
He now plants bombs, hoping to meet his Daddy.

“Freedom. Isn’t that your deepest desire?” The journalist asked the prostitute.
“No. I desire for a brush of familiar lips against mine.”

He came home to a candle light dinner.
He reached for her hand and she gave it to him.
It was always romantic to share a human together.

‘We were inseparable once. What changed?' The doctor asked his indifferent wife.
Little did he know she'd started eating an apple a day.

The President was straight ahead. He pressed the gun’s trigger. The bullet hit the target.
No blood.
Soon it won't be a dummy with a hole.

Eagle Eye
“OMG! A DSLR?" She exclaimed in awe.
“Now, you can finally capture all your memories vividly."
The diary, hidden in her closet, took offence.

On my way home, I found an envelope.
It had a ransom note and my wife’s photo.
As I reached the doorstep, a shriek welcomed me from inside.

I waited at the beach. I had heard so much about this experience.
As the waves touched my feet, I felt a short circuit inside my robotic body.

He saw his wife crying with a knife in her hand. It sent shivers down his spine.
He was about to faint when he noticed a bowl of cut onions.

A shadowed eye examined the mirror’s reflection- a body skimming dress and pencil heels.
Suddenly there came a cry from behind.
“Abba jaan?”

Gambler’s Conceit
Vowing to quit gambling if he won, the gambler looked on, elated, as his pick beat the odds 80/1.
Alas! He at once died of a cardiac arrest.

My wife gave birth to a girl, born grasping a lighter in her tiny fist, which I had used to light my mother on fire.

“Hey babe, I just called to say I’m sorry. I’m not very good at goodbyes. It’s easier this way.”
“Your brakes don’t work anymore.”

It’s my first night with her.
I’m awake, she’s asleep.
I’ve got goosebumps.
I gather courage to go close to her and pull my blanket off her.

Helen of Troy
Helen of Troy’s beauty was such that when men saw her, they fell down.
Then she met Paris and they lived happily ever after. He had no legs.

The one-year-old baby screamed loudly as the man held her.
Her parents stared helplessly at her tears while he advanced to pierce her ears.

Home Alone
3 am. She heard something stir nearby. She froze.
The owners were away for the weekend. Surely they wouldn’t have left their dog home alone.

One look at you and I knew I was home. You were my whole wide world but then you left me.
Now I’m homesick and I’m not sure where home is.

“Pour me my last drink, son.”
I obeyed. I poured rum in a glass, added an ice-cube and a pinch of poison.
I didn’t want to be raped again.

He writes code in his workstation.
He's tired of his life, just like his colleagues.
Soon he'll liberate them with the thing in his pockets.

They’re lying in bed.
“You’re the one,” he says; he’s lying.
“I never doubted it,” she says; she’s lying.
They’re lying in bed.

“We always have sex. We never make love.”
He blew a smoke heart into the night.
“That’s because I’m not ready for love and neither are you.”

“I’ll be waiting for you honey.” She kissed me goodbye and shut the door behind.
As I headed home, I felt so lucky to have such a secretary.

It was make-or-break time. Heads, we’d separate; tails, we’d marry.
We flipped the coin. It landed showing a lion emblem.
“Best 2 out of 3?”

“You always listen and never judge. You’re the only thing that ever mattered to me.” I slurred.
“I know,” whispered the bottle of whisky.

“Punish people by writing a story on them. You won’t go to jail for it.”
He went missing a day after his story on the President went viral.

Mother's Love
The old age home attendants find her waiting for her son daily.
They smile as the Alzheimer had erased the memory of her son deserting her.

He’s the reason my wife is not with me; he murdered her.
But I still need to feed him the bottle daily.

New Identity
Nerd. Not anymore. A new college. A new identity.
Math. First lecture. Finished my test first.
Teacher graded me aloud- 20/20. I had failed.

No Strings on Me
A puppet limped across the road, with its string trailing behind it.
In an apartment nearby, a voice cried out from a sealed box.

He promised me money to hear his stories.
They shattered my soul with its portrait of optimism.
I changed my mind. No money was worth this.

Till Death Do Us Part.
That’s the promise we had made to each other and that’s the promise you have kept by breaking free off your coffin.

Rest in Piece
I'm at peace. Clutching her hand, I intertwine my fingers with hers. It fits like a jigsaw puzzle.
I put it with the rest, in the freezer.

“He made the perfect gift for me- a ring from French Fries.”
“Wow! Did you accept it?”
“I ate it. Fries before guys!”

Role Reversal
He was busy cooking while she lit the last cigarette.
The viewers stared at the alluring painting; unable to comprehend the role reversal.

The child walked amidst the rubble of dead bodies.
When she found her mother, she wondered if death hurt less than being alive.

Saturday Night
Like every Saturday night, I got drunk.
Like every Saturday night, he took me to his place.
Like every Saturday night, I didn’t ask his name.

He fell in love with the beauty of her scars.
After all, they were proof of their new-born child.

Such is Life
Woke in a maze.
Alone. Met people along the way. Slowly I wiggled my way out of the maze. Exhausted but free I fell asleep.
Woke in a maze.

The athlete couldn’t compete in the Olympics as his feet had swollen.
His insurance company, known for its sympathy, sent him larger shoes.

“Check this new gadget, bro. It tells me what food to eat, when to sleep and just about everything.”
“Well, I have my parents for that.”

The Answer
“Who knows the answer?” The professor asked his students.
“I do. But I don’t want others to know.”
“Anyone else?”
“I don’t. But if I did, I’d tell everyone.”
“You do know the answer!”

The Blindfold
The blackness from the blindfold filled his mind with their intimate moments. He craved for her.
He never felt the bullets pierce his body.

The Good Girl
“Such a good girl. Covers her modesty through her burqa.” Her colleagues noted.
The hickies underneath were proof of how good she really was.

The Hangman
“You're sweet." She ruffled his hair.
His heart raced faster.
“Hang on." She got a text from her boyfriend.
He spent an eternity hanging on.

The Haunted
“How self-centred of you to think only the dead haunt the living,” whispered the ghost foetus, staring at his mother.

The Memorial
I looked around the memorial, surprised to see the gathering there.
They really missed me.  If only I'd have known before tying the noose.

The One
Elegant neck, big bosoms, ample hips and huge bottom. He had finally found her.
She was perfect. She was the one.
His first human meat pie.

The Surprise
I put scented candles, oysters and red wine in your bedroom to surprise you.
You were very surprised when you arrived and called the Police.

The Switch
I just read a story.
The protagonist could switch his life with anyone and live forever.
As I reached the end, I was fiction and he wasn’t.

Till Death Do Us Part
She kissed his cheek as he smiled back. Nothing had changed much since two decades.
Her husband called her.
She hid the photo in the closet.

Ten minutes to midnight.
It’s the time when the city falls asleep.
It’s the time when good meets evil.
It’s the time when my victims meet me.

Time for Celebration
Valentine’s Day. Left office early. Found you in the Jacuzzi.
Observed the half-eaten strawberries and the two wine glasses, already empty.

“There’s no way out. You may try but they’ll always find you out. Once you’re in, you’re in for life.”
“Motherhood is such a thankless job.”

The monsters put her body through pain the entire night.
Vowing vengeance, she got a mosquito repellent the next day.

The End
The voices stopped talking. Only happy thoughts occurred.
Unable to find the darkness, my days as a writer ended. I'm just a normal guy now.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

7 Must DONTs for Men when with a Woman

1. Don't crowd a woman too much in the beginning. She'll consider this as neediness. Just let her become comfortable around you.

2. Don't say negative stuff about your ex-girlfriends. She'll think you're insecure.

3. Don't have an emotional response to everything. If you get upset about things easily, she'll think you're insecure.

4. Don't look to her to make decisions. She likes it when you make decisions and go with it. If you're always asking her what she wants to do, you'll come of as a boy, not a man. If she wants something different, she'll let you know.

5. Don't say or do stuff just to get attention. She'll think you're insecure. If you're cool, she'll figure it out herself.

6. Don't argue often. By being overly argumentative, you're hampering your sex life. Argue in a funny way, not in a serious way.

7. Don't be a YES man. Have mature boundaries. The best answer to a woman is NO. Use your energy only when you're in a win-win situation. The only direct answer you can give her is a NO. It keeps your masculine identity and self-esteem alive.

Friday, June 12, 2015

7 Must DOs for Men before going on a date

1. Your nails should be short, clean and neat.

2. Nose, ear hairs and bushy pubic hairs are a no-no.

3. Your teeth should be clean. Use a tongue scraper and a mouthwash.

4. Wash your body completely thrice before the date. Body odours don't come off easily.

5. Use a good deodorant.

6. Your shoes and socks should be ultra clean. Foot odour is not permitted.

7. Use a good perfume. Don't OVER-do it. No perfume is better than a lot of perfume. Just one or two squirts an hour before the date is best.

Women often notice these details and conclude that you handle everything else in the same manner.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Hair Growth Supplement

“Take only half a tablet at a time,” the doctor prescribed. “Stick to maximum one in a day. Patience is the key.”
“It’s a supplement. Take one, then another,” the friend suggested. “For crying out loud, you can’t just take one and hope for a miracle.”
“You’re an adult. You got to increase the dosage. Pop at least two at one go,” the enemy conspired. “Think of it as Crocin.”
“Sixty tablets gone so far and still no visible change. Ignore everyone else. Listen to me,” the wife nagged. “Try two after breakfast. Two more after dinner.”

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Petyr Baelish- The ultimate player in the Game of Thrones

Vile, despicable, creepy, flawless sense of style, eloquent monologues and an epic Machiavellian. Lord Petyr Baelish, also called Littlefinger, is the puppet master of George R.R. Martin’s saga, who pulls all the strings, while making everyone believe they’re the masters.
Petyr thrives on chaos. The crazier the situation, the more opportunities he's able to extract from it. He’s interested only in his advancement, and chaos gives him the perfect opportunity to do so. While others falter and fail, he climbs even higher. He knows what’s real and what’s an illusion, and he uses this knowledge to be ahead of the rest.
Petyr’s sigil is a mockingbird that symbolizes the personae he has created for himself. He prefers to rely on his own abilities and motivations, and indirectly influences many events by manipulating other pieces in the Game of Thrones. Though he’s the catalyst for pretty much all the political turmoil in the saga, very little of it (if any) can actually be traced back to him. His machinations may not be as effective if people realise him to be a force to reckon with, rather than a man in the shadows.
Out of all the people in Westeros, Petyr is the most ambitious, most sinister, most cunning and most calculative by far. He’s the only person who has consistently come out on top and advanced himself while so many others have met tragic ends. He knows what it takes to move every piece in the game, he does not fear change and when unexpected developments arise, he quickly adjusts to suit the situation, and most of all - he's always defeating those who play against him.
In a nutshell, Petyr Baelish is a mad genius and the ultimate player in the Game of Thrones.