She was 24. She believed that she had been a good girl her
entire life; she practiced celibacy and was a virgin. She had signed a purity
contract and promised to keep herself pure until she got married to the man
that was chosen by God. All she knew about sex was that good girls were to
indulge in it on their wedding nights and not before. Wearing crop tops, short
shorts and bikinis would only tempt and excite the boys; God forbade it. At the
altar, looking at her purity ring, she imagined the words “True Love Waits”
shining back at her.
That night, she dimmed the lights, laid on the bed and let
her husband do what men did. Her first experience was awful. She had no idea
what to expect and when he attempted to perform cunnilingus, she rushed to the
bathroom crying, leaving her husband befuddled at what to do. To her,
cunnilingus was wrong. It wasn’t something what “good” wives did, and she felt
he was disrespecting her by trying to do that.
Their marriage progressed happily but they shared a
non-existent sex life. She felt awkward in bed, and he hated that he left her
in tears.
About a year into their marriage, during a rare intimate
moment, she allowed him to really touch her there for the first time. She
experienced immense pleasure and could feel her body bursting. She had an
orgasm for the first time. Yet instead of ecstasy, she was ashamed that she
took pleasure by him using his fingers and mouth on her. She was mortified that
she had behaved like a slut.
This deep sense of embarrassment lingered for days. She
couldn’t meet his eyes and pushed him away. They argued over her inability to
enjoy sex. Instead of getting angry, he was patient. He started initiating sex
on the couch, by the wall, in the shower, just never under the bed covers.
He left the light on and he ensured that she climaxed every
time. When she would want to hide in the bathroom, ashamed after her orgasm, he
would hold her and tell her how much he enjoyed making love to her.
Gradually, with the passage of time, sex wasn’t something
she dreaded. She started trying new things. The first time she gave him
fellatio, she felt sexy and confident afterwards.
They have been married for three years now and for the last
four months, the sex has been enthralling- it’s raunchy and dirty but also
intimate. She’s no longer ashamed of sex and her husband is always there to
reassure her and help her move past her embarrassment.
Sex isn’t a shameful act. It isn’t wrong. Young people need
to be told that. Purity rings and purity balls just tell women that their
desires are wrong and ungodly; their sex life isn’t God’s business, or their
parents, or their relatives for that matter- it’s theirs. Women are the only
ones that should be able to choose when to have sex, whom to have it with, and
enjoy orgasms without shame. Don’t hide your bodies or desires. Celebrate and enjoy sex.
